office party of 1

I want one!

Like anyone who reads women’s magazines this time of year – and as much as it lowers my cool quotient to say so, I have to admit I’ve been known to take a peek – I am convinced that the rest of the world is currently gearing up to attend glamorous black tie company parties this weekend.  Why else all the fashion articles devoted to whether one should wear panty hose with strappy sandals to corporate events?  (My personal rule of thumb?  It’s December – if you want to be considered competent enough to get that next big career building project, demonstrate first that you have mastered the somewhat less complex skill of avoiding frost bite.)

After a careful review of my calendar, it appears I have nowhere to a) wear an inappropriately low cut cocktail dress, b) drink too much at an open bar, then c) make out with a colleague on an office Xerox machine (did I mention the oh-my-God-what-did-I-do! advice columns also seem full of this stuff?).  I think my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail for the past 25 years or so.

My first exposure to office parties was, quite literally, baloney.  The chairman of the orchestra board – heiress to a candy bar fortune, no less – invited everyone to her home for the event.  I missed it.  Already on a plane and heading back to Mom’s house for the holidays, I imagined crystal chandeliers, gorgeous Christmas trees, silver trays of scrumptious catered food.  Instead when I returned to DC I learned from my fellow symphony serfs that the menu that evening had been baloney sandwiches.

And a “Bah, humbug” to you, too!

The food was significantly better a couple of years ago when I was doing a project for OU’s College of Nursing and got invited to their holiday luncheon.

Now OU may be a state university, but when it comes to Christmas, let’s just say they’re unapologetically Oklahoman.  In other words, we’re Midwestern, we’re Christian, and the janitorial staff has no political correctness qualms about spending weeks getting out garlands and wreaths, poinsettias and a large Christmas tree (decorated in OU red, of course). 

On that day every public space was adorned and the atrium was lovely.  Long tables running down its center were covered with a turkey-and-all-the-trimmings meal.  And 99% of the women in attendance had broken out their black pants and sparkly holiday sweaters (fortunately, my mom and my aunt insisted that, for the first time in years, I buy one that fall so I fit the dress code just fine).  There was music from an acapella employee group, a nice speech from the dean and then – well, public humiliation is not a suitable gift for the season.  When they tried to break us up into small groups to perform carols for the entire packed Student Lounge, my sensible tablemates made a run for their offices, jingling and sparkling all the way.

There may not be any major company Christmas party skeletons in my past – and no opportunity for getting on Santa’s naughty list in my immediate future – but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a little holiday party for one.  I think today while I’m working I’ll switch my radio to the OKC station that plays only Christmas music in December.  I’ll fix myself a big mug of instant hot chocolate instead of iced tea.  I may even pull out my sparkly Christmas sweater to wear with my jeans.  ‘Tis the season after all.